THE
DIRTY PICTURE
A lot
of dirty water has flowed down the Mithi river since the certification and
release of the highly acclaimed movie ‘The Dirty Picture’ which has gone on to
win many awards and accolades including the revered (by some people who have no
knowledge of film making) National Awards! The debate on the ‘time’ for screening
the movie on television is going on endlessly and the country’s moral police do
not seem to be able to decide on the issue; they have tried reasoning with
themselves that if there is a dirty picture going on at any given time of the
day or night on those innumerable (bringing on fingerthritis very early on amongst
children, teenagers, couch potatoes, insomniacs and critics/analysts) channels
why not one more; it does not stand out amongst the blue haze and so on and so
forth! However, the subject was hijacked by our eveready politicians who feel
they should be designated the country’s moral police and they consequently
decided that the following programs which constitute the blue haze will be
shown only after 11 pm IST terming them as Midnight Masala (a take on the
program of the same name in one of those ubiquitous Telugu channels available
of course, only for CRASS, sorry CAS households which shows titillating music videos
from midnight onwards till the puja time at 6am the next morn – ostensibly to
induce eroticism in the bland coupling for procreation which led to the
population of AP exploding from a humble 5 crores to over 8 crores in less than
a score of years!):
a)
Rajya Sabha proceedings henceforth (recorded and not live) only after 11pm with
a warning ‘PG’ superimposed on all the frames.
b) Lok
Sabha proceedings henceforth (recorded and not live) only after 11pm with a
warning ‘PG’ superimposed on all the frames.
c) All State/UT
Assembly proceedings henceforth (recorded and not live) only after 11pm with a
warning ‘PG’ superimposed on all the frames.
d) UP
& WB Assembly proceedings henceforth (recorded and not live) only after 1 am
with a warning ‘Adult Content’ superimposed on all the frames.
e) All
TV reality shows which are hosted by Salman Khan and Akshaye Kumar.
f) The
Dirty Picture and others of its ilk.
g) Any
program containing four letter words like ‘vote’.
h) All
news programs hosted by Arnab Goswami, Barkha Dutt and Rajdeep Sardesai.
i) Any
other program as decided by a majority ‘vote’ of the (CMP) Council of Moral
Police.
In case
you have any objections to the guidelines issued by CMP you are required to file
a PIL with a fee of Rs. 5 Lakhs or submit a written complaint/suggestion at the
offices of CMP (personally please, no email/snail mail/drop box will be
entertained) at Sheila ki Dilli within 30 minutes of reading this.
Kali
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