JAYA RAJAN’S LETTER

Tongue in Cheek

by Chinam Kali Prasad

Jaya Rajan was a woman of substance which made others go green with envy and to substantiate that fact, she was given the onerous responsibility to make India green, which is not to be confused with any green flag that our western neighbor may wave at us! However, as is normal to politicking, one little guy wanted to spoil her game…sorry, her vision of a green nation, which is not be confused with the Green Revolution! So, Jaya Rajan wrote a secret letter but, she never posted it…purportedly, she wanted to provide the Go R Nab talkathon company with grist for their mill! That raised the hackles of one Sirdesai who leaked the information to that little guy who in turn stopped Jaya Rajan in her green tracks-uit (usually seen amongst the pseudo joggers of Lodhi Gardens). That led to every Tomar, Dikshit and Hari in the country to speculate on the contents of the secret letter! This is what is purported to have been written (as given to this tongue-in-cheek writer of crazy blogs) by one Dikshit who appeared to be an acolyte of the little guy even though the age difference between them was megalithic with the little guy being the runt and this Dikshit being a dinosaur. Oh well, without further ado, here goes…!

Dear Madam,

Please accept my apologies for not being able to make our great nation go green which is just the same as you not being able to convert our esteemed citizens to green as was the unstated aim of your mother-in-law and her father. I have in possession three passports of Italian origin in the names of Sonja, Raul and Bianca given me by one who calls himself Ssswamy. He whispered to me that these three passports are my passport to freedom from green and will give me an opportunity to taste my favorite saffron laced rice in the company of Sassy Thor (a closet saffron fan), the lovely Arvinder and the feisty Karthi C, which, as you are well aware of. I am quite fond of being in the business of integrating south and north across the language barriers.

Ssswamy however warned me that there is a little guy who could upset my apple sauce cart…not that I am overly fond of apple sauce, as tomato sauce is my favorite. Later events revealed that this little guy is none other than your progeny Raul going by the name of Rahul. Now, this little guy is bothering me no end to be licentious, oh shit, sorry, to give licence to many of his corporate pals to dig the good Earth for their petty gains. This little guy also threatened to send a goon my way to stop me in my tracks.

Ssswamy, on being consulted, told me that this goon is from Birmingham and is called Raabert by one Liyon of Bollywood and who is interested in the interest being paid by the corporate pals of Rahul. Ssswamy once again whispered in my left ear that these corporate pals of Rahul have promised to give free land to the goon going by the name Raabert from Birmingham. I really do not know why Scotland is involved in India’s land and I am not interested in their shenanigans. I really don’t like their kilts and egads, they wear nothing under them which disturbs my Dravidian sense of right!

To keep matters under the right perspective, I did not appreciate you shunting me off to be your spokesperson, even though I love speaking, by Jove, I am a tambrahm! So, I have taken a little time off from speaking for you to write against you and also as a catharsis for my erring in life…that is, choosing this hand-driven green party of yours.

Thank you for all the entertainment and the MMS you dumped on this lovely country. Here goes, bye for all time, you will get to see this epithet on the screen of your Curved OLED television.

Jaya Rajan