Pharma-ish
Do not be confused with the title being related to Ameen
Sayani and his iconic ‘farmaish’ on Radio Ceylon of yesteryears! This is about the
pharmaceutical companies who have been beset with falling sales thanks to a few
billionaire babas who became very enterprising in providing ‘economical’ (meaning
- cheap) alternatives.
The pharma biggies were wringing their hands, their legs,
their fingers and their brains too and were in dire straits looking for an unreasonable
solution…when…like manna from heavens…two angels came into their thoughts and
their presence. And who could these two be to drop-in in their shenanigans…they
were the bosses of two vested companies postulating alternate health solutions…Baidyanathan
and Daboor bhai…who were equally suffering from the adventurousness of the
billionaire babas!!
Fizzer, Bent Coalman, Booted-Suited, Palm-oil, New-art-is-good,
A-bot, Glass-in-Smith’s-Kiln and many of their ilk smiled for the first time in
a year…they could see their profits getting rejuvenated…they could see green on
the horizon…and they welcomed Baidyanathan and Daboor bhai with open arms and
gave them the typical Indian VIP treatment…red carpet…red wine…red everything…as
it is they were in the red!
Baidyanathan and Daboor were facing stiff competition and
the market was proving to be difficult with cult figures dominating with their
cult formulations and with people joining their cult in droves. They were
especially worried of BRD and SSS. They realized that their only way out of
grief was to join hands with their sworn enemies…the All-pathological
concocters…and they decided to attend their call for smoking the peace pipe
(incidentally provided by a Willing ‘baccy firm).
They talked, they waffled, they burped and they farted
for hours and days without end… trying to concoct a solvent with which they
could make BRD and SSS insolvent. They even invited Nityananda and Mallayya to
add their two-bit’s worth for attracting women to their medications. They
invited another person called Pai who was in the habit of engrossing kids with
comics so that he could give them some insights into how kids could be enticed
to gulp their syrups and soups. They invited Mallick Sherwani to give ideas on
ways and means of attracting men to partake of their cooked up steroids.
The brainstorming lasted two weeks. They came to a
solution, they came to an agreement. Mallayya would provide them with cash
inflows from his haven in No-man’s Isle, Pai agreed for free adverts in his
comics, Nitya agreed to promote the stuff with all his women and Mallick said
that she would endorse in-movie ads for free…of course, all them were to get
cash-gifts which would be given in Swiss bonds. Everyone was happy.
And thus were born Pfizerpathy which specialized in the
German stuff called homeopathy. They took Bent Coalman and Palm-oil on their
wagon and all three would collaborate to sink SSS. Bootveda was created with
Nicholas as their Chairman and New-Art-is-Good as their partners to specialize in
Ayur formulations to take on BRD. Baidyanathan and Daboor bhai agreed for
co-branding all their ‘new’ products at a very cheap rate and also agreed to reduce
the cost of their own products to the level of ‘cheap’ with Pfizerpathy and
Bootveda making up the difference by way of taking up minority shareholding at
a price equivalent to ten times the average market price as of today (an idea
they borrowed from Jugan Jughead).
All were thrilled and happy-go-lucky with their plans little
knowing that one amongst them was a collaborator of both BRD and SSS…and this
guy sneaked out all their plans to Uttarakhand and Bengaluru! BRD and SSS were
overjoyed with this loyalty and they paid a handsome fee to Sanefee-Aventador!
PS: Once again all names have been changed to provide
privacy/secrecy (as you may wish) and if the reader is able to decipher the
names, so be it!
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