POTHOLES AND POLITICS OF REALTY
A minister in the Maharashtra cabinet has asked the BMC to investigate the likelihood of graft in the emergence of potholes on all the roads of Mumbai except the front driveway (this is specific to India where back driveways also exist, especially, in the mansions of politicos so that they can make good their escape if the IT/ED/CBI/Sonia make a surprise visit) of the CM’s house. A national daily has headlined this as ‘Pothole Graft’ bringing in a new version of graft where instead of loopholes there are potholes – neither, of course, having any meaning! Notwithstanding, a detailed investigation was carried out and the report was leaked to the public even before the concerned minister had a look! As you are not a member of that esteemed public, I give here, a condensed version of the 56,098 page report.
With the shortage of land on earth, the egg-heads of the world united for once and devised ways and means of colonizing our lone satellite, the moon. The plans and methodology were accepted by G8, G20 and UN193 as well as BRICS, BASIC, SAARC, ASEAN, EU, CIS, etc. With the release of the news, timelines and deadlines, the realtors and contractors in our country were a worried lot, as they would lose their powers of dictating ‘terms and conditions apply’. They in turn called for a meeting of all their brethren and gave it a lot of thought and came to the conclusion that it is easier to recreate the surface of the moon down here on Earth and why not make India the first country to do it. This would also allow them to continue to dictate terms and… The best way to replicate the moon’s surface, they felt, was to do it on ‘no man’s land’ i.e. the roads of our cities and towns. And that is how the roads in our country come to be potholed all year around. To add more and more, to eventually remove any semblance of a road, they involved the Water department, the Electricity department, the Telcos, the Sewerage department who have been doing their job very diligently, especially after the foolish civic administrations have black topped the roads under the mistaken impression that they were doing the public a good service. This effort results in a moonscape on our roads and the realtors are able to charge the same rates per sft as existing on the moon. As you can see, one need not go all the way to the moon to have a joy ride in a Apollo buggy, instead, just drive out of your house and enjoy the back-breaking rides that can give you a pain in the neck, back, or if you so desire, give you spondylitis or any other ‘-itis’. It is now a fundamental right of every citizen to ask for a designer moonscape on his/her driveway, front or back. The realtors are a happy lot as they are now able to charge premium rates for properties along the potholed, sorry, moon-scaped roads. And if your vehicle breaks down or its suspension gives way, it is a small price to pay for the honor of having a trip on the moon right in your city! This entire idea has become so successful that apart from the realtors and contractors, the politicians, the civic administrators and their peons are minting money and since they all deposit their ill-gotten gains in Switzerland, the Swiss Banks are on a swiss roll! The Government of India has included this aspect in the ‘Incredible India’ campaign and now shots of Leh and Kerala have been replaced with the potholed roads of Mumbai, Goa, et al. The idea has become such a hot cake, that other countries are now sending delegations to get a first-hand experience of the moon-scapes and the members actually take detailed measurements of potholes like depth, circumference, gradient of the slope, etc.
So folks, stop cribbing and crying, you are a citizen of a great country which has given the world a zero, a decimal and a pothole!!!
Tongue in Cheek by Kali
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