WOUND LICKING CONFERENCE
Part One of Anna Hazare’s fight against the evils of society has come to an end with the Government accepting his three conditions or inclusions in the Lokpal Bill. In the final round of negotiations, some persons were told to stay out as they were considered loud-mouths, hotheads and interfering busy-bodies. However, such persons took it to heart and felt that they were sacrificed at the altar of convenience. After all the celebrations and noise died down, they decided to get together, collectively lick their wounds and chalk out a strategy to hit back at their detractors. The licking of wounds, it seems, helps in healing them as the saliva is a great healer, but the non-believers say that the saliva is the source of a lot of germs which leads to verbal diarrhea!
Kapil: Welcome dear friends, we are here to prepare our plans for getting back into the limelight. I for one, intend to speak on every subject possible to the media with, of course, the permission of SG.
Tiwari: That is all fine to say Kapil, but remember, I am the spokesperson for corruption, err, sorry, Congress.
Soni: Hey diddle diddle, I need a fiddle!
Kejriwal: Fiddlesticks!
Agnivesh: Jai Sri Ram.
Tiwari: What’s with you guys, cat got your tongues? All these past many days you guys have been having your say without limit and now only exclamations? Get your act together and speak up for who you are and what you believe in!!!
Soni: I believe in hot air and waffling…
Kapil: Why don’t you talk some sense?
Agnivesh: What is sense but to feel with the heart and listen to your beat…
Kejriwal: I believe, so I am!
Kapil: These guys have gone bonkers.
Tiwari: Yes, they are not resilient like us and have succumbed to the pressures of the past month. Now they have nowhere to go and their own people are not accepting them.
Kapil: Don’t be so smug; are you likely to continue as the spokesman?
Tiwari: Oh God! Please, let SG get back soon and then I have a chance of staying in the limelight.
Kapil: Why should it be you?
Tiwari: My vocabulary is better than all of yours put together.
Soni: You goddamned SOB, it is because of you that we are all down and out.
Kapil: I am a lawyer and my vocabulary is the best, no one can beat a lawyer, ever!
Soni: Oh, yeah! Just you let me…
Tiwari: No fisticuffs please, let us be civilized.
Agnivesh: I am the fire, I am the water…
Kejriwal: Oh, cut the crap and stop being philosophical. You and I need to get back Anna’s and the Government’s confidence.
Kapil: It is so easy for you guys, we have to face the wrath of a widow, a black widow spider!
Tiwari: I got that recorded you idiot and you know where the tape goes?
Soni: Serves him right, telling me to talk sense. I love SGji and RGji and PeeVeeji and RVji…
Kejriwal: Love is not going to get you anywhere!
Soni: Listen you buffoon, it is love that got me so far and all of you can guess who it is when I say SGji…
Kapil: Shit!
Tiwari: Shit!
Kejriwal: You mean it is not Sonia…
Agnivesh: The man is not important, it the soul within and without that is important…
Kapil: Without what?
Tiwari: Oh, pipe down all of you, I feel like crying.
And it went on and on with the midnight oil burning and they forgot all about licking their wounds and kept talking like nitwits. No wonder nobody pays them any attention nor values their opinion.
Tongue in Cheek by Kali
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