Golf is not a game!

GOLF

I was told by my friends that as I am too old to play any games, I am just at the right age to play golf (so golf is not a game!). And I was given an exhaustive introduction to the game, sorry, Golf. To begin with there are 18 holes in a course (if I am too old to play games how do they expect me to manage 18!)!There are such things as tees (I have a good & colorful selection of tees, so that is taken care of), fairways (yippee, let’s get that golf cart zooming), birdies (at last they are talking my talk), eagles (what are eagles doing on a golf course?), par, below par, above par (that is English, so OK), handicaps (I swear on the 18^th hole that I do not have any handicap), dress code (shucks, I thought I left behind all dress codes when I retired from the Navy), greens (I eat a lot of greens, they are really good for health - at my age), et al. Then to add to the confusion there are water bodies (with or without mermaids) and sand traps (same as quick sand for non-golfers). I was also supposed to carry my own clubs (of different sizes made of wood, steel or carbon composites – what has the world come to, is nothing natural anymore?), balls (I always carry two, good for pocket billiards), a glove (a la MJ) and lots of money (which I don’t have – I am told that is the reason why the three Services provide golf courses everywhere in the country despite the funny objections of CAG). I am also told that they have competitions where they hand out prizes, handicaps (so that’s how you become handicapped), trophies and wooden spoons (we already have enough in our kitchen!). I did a bit of back of the hand calculations (very difficult what with varicose veins sticking out) and told my wife that this new game, sorry Golf, I am getting into will involve an initial outgo of fifty grand and a recurring outgo of five grand every month (excluding petrol, beer and snacks) – my wife had a fit, burst an artery and popped an eye!

I am in the ICU of the MH - it is visiting hours!

Tongue (firmly) in Cheek by KALI